I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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