Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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