i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
