so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
