Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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