you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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