I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
