if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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