I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
