I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
