dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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