didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
