I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
