I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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