Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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