Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
