i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
