I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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