I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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