She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
