Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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