i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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