first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
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the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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