Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
