I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
