when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
