I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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