good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
