I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
