areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
