Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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