Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
someone owes me an orgasm
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
