i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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