i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we're so committed to being not committed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
