So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
