So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found puke in my bra..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
