Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
