I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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