At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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