i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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