when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
