I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
