...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ttyl tear gas
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
