how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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