Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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