Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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