a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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