i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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