just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
