i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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