Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
