My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize