I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
