Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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