so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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