He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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