i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
