remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
