on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Less talking, more tequila
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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