she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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