You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
