If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
