If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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