thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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