Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
