Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just had sex on a roof
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
