Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
