He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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