ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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