did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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