I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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