So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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