it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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