I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
