Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
