did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
