two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
