I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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