I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
