im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
