I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bring me that man meat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
