He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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